


Save Me

by Destieldemonhex



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:36:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destieldemonhex/pseuds/Destieldemonhex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This destiel fan-fiction is about Castiel adjusting to his new human life with Sam and Dean. When he and Dean get caught up in their confusing, romantic relationship, Cas starts to feel the wrath of a human illness.  In the hospital, Cas's doctor tells Dean that Cas has an aneurism. He neglects to tell anybody including Cas and tries to make what's left of his life worth living. </p><p>(This is also on my Instagram, @destieldemon) I'm up to chapter 5 on Instagram so if you want to read more, and trust me it will be amazing, go to my account.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Humans

Chapter 1: Humans

 

Dean and Cas sat in the library of the bunker. Cas had been navigating Through the laptop all night. He was still uneducated on how to use the device and was teaching himself, with occasionally guidance from the brothers.

On the other hand, Dean was kicked back in his chair with his bare feet on the wooden table and a half-empty beer in one hand, and an old Playboy in the other. 

His chair was leaned backwards, balancing on two legs. Sam had left an hour earlier to go on a big supply run for the group. Which meant junk food, beer, and the new issue of Busty Asian Beauties for Dean. "Dean, I don't understand how I am supposed to learn how to use this device.", Cas complained, closing the laptop. 

"First off, Cas, it's a laptop, not a device.", Dean flipped through the pages of his magazine. "Second, take a break. Here."   
Dean slid the Playboy across the table to Cas and sipped his beer. 

"Dean, you know I don't...", Cas started, trying to avoid looking at the women on the cover printed in black and white. Dean smiled. Cas sighed and slid the magazine back to Dean. 

"Come on Cas, what are you, gay?", Dean said jokingly, still drinking from the glass bottle. Cas, knew Dean wasn't being serious but whenever he mentioned "gay", Cas got warm and blushed.   
He tried to change the subject.

"Uh, when's Sam getting back?"  
Dean lifted his arm to check his watch. While trying to find the time, the rest of Dean's beer poured onto his shirt. "Ah, shit!", Dean exclaimed.   
Cas shot up, "I'll get you a towel."

"No, it's fine."  
Dean put his empty beer on the table and got up.   
"What are you do...", Cas tried to ask but was interrupted by Dean taking his shirt off and throwing it across the room. "We got anymore beer?", Dean asked. 

"Uhh..."   
"What?"   
"It's nothing, there's more in the kitchen."   
"Hold on"

Dean walked quickly to the kitchen and brought back three beers and a slice of pie. He sat back down and slid one of them to Cas. He didn't hesitate to pick it up.  
Dean opened his beer and took a gulp.   
Cas couldn't help but stare at the still shirtless Dean, he was obviously drunk now and didn't give a damn about putting on a new shirt. 

"Uh, Dean?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm not complaining, but do you intend on putting a new shirt on anytime soon?"   
Dean shook his head, "Nah, who needs shirts?"

Cas looked down and took a sip of his beer. "Good", he said to himself.   
"You know what Cas, fuck research, it can go to hell. Why are we sitting here, let's go to bar. No no no, let's go to a strip club!", Dean said, completely tipsy. 

"Dean, I'm not really into...", Cas tried to oppose but was interrupted when Dean walked over to him and literally pulled Cas out of his chair. 

"Come on, I'll finish my pie and get a shirt, and go puts some pants on you naughty little bastard."

"Dean, I'm wearing pants.", Cas explained.   
"Oh, for a minute I thought you weren't wearing anything down there, by the way, not bad Cas, not bad at all.", Dean motioned to Cas's crotch with a smile accompanied by a wink and walked away. Cas was blushing and smiling, he looked down too, and smiled even harder. (#boner)

Dean and Cas arrived at the strip club, and sat down at the stage. Dean kept making it rain the whole time and blowing money on beer while Cas was still drinking out of the same one he had at the bunker. He averted his eyes from the women the entire time. 

"Lighten up Cas, these ladies are supposed to make you..." Dean was saying but got interrupted when a bra got flung in his face. "Hey! Look at that Cas, a Trophy!", he shouted happily and swung it in the air.   
Cas got up quickly and started to head outside.  
"I be waiting outside, when your ready to leave.", and then walked out. Dean threw the bra back to the stripper and ran after Cas, meeting him in the parking lot. 

"Cas, what's wrong man?"  
"I'm going home Dean, are you coming or not.", Cas said as he turned around to walk further away. Dean grabbed his arm and turned back around. 

"Cas, what's your problem?"  
Cas ran his hand threw his hair.  
"The problem, Dean? You're sorry drunk ass is watching women strip naked right and front of you and throwing their undergarments in your face!", Cas said, trying not to yell.

"Well, I'm sorry! Would you rather have men stripping for me?"  
Cas stood still, less than a foot away from Dean.   
"I just, I, I wish you would do something more meaningful with your time.", Cas tried to argue. 

"Really? That's your excuse? Bullshit, Cas! Now what is this stupid fight REALLY about?"   
Cas didn't have an answer this time.

Dean shrugged and turned around to go back to the strip club. Cas had just messed things up for their relationship, again. Not this time though, not this time, Cas thought. 

In the heat of the moment, Cas walked over to Dean, put his hand on his shoulder and turned him around hard. "Cas, what the f...", Dean tried to say but never finished when Cas cupped his face and pulled him in for a kiss. Cas closed his eyes and heard Dean's beer drop and shatter on the as-fault. He moved his lips passionately but received no movement from Dean's. He was stunned. Cas pulled back and opened his eyes to find Deans memorized with surprise. 

The look never left Dean's face. When they got back to the bunker, Dean went straight to his room and didn't come out for the rest of the night. Cas didn't know how to approach the situation, it had never been a problem before. So he sat down in the library, opened up the laptop and went to Google. Just like Dean taught him too.


	2. Behind Locked Doors

Chapter 2: Behind Locked Doors

 

It had been a week since the kiss in the parking lot. Dean and Cas had not spoken of it since it happened. The not knowing was killing Cas. 

Since he wasn't human, he couldn't read Dean's thoughts like he used to. Did Dean like it? Did he even remember it? He was very drunk after all. These thoughts ran through Cas's mind a thousand times. Though Dean acted like nothing ever happened.

Like he wasn't bothered by it. At least not around Cas. That morning, Dean had gotten out of bed earlier than usual and went to the kitchen to make eggs and bacon. 

Cas woke up about 5 minutes after walked into the kitchen to find Dean making making the food on the stove. "Hello, Dean", Cas said tiredly, messing with his hair. "Hey Cas, wants some grub?", Dean asked with his back facing the ex-angel. "Yes please", Cas answered. 

He started towards the coffee machine but stopped. He looked around the room, Sam was still asleep, it was them in the room. Cas had been meaning to talk to Dean in private all week. But either Sam was too close or they were working on their previous poltergeist case. 

Now they were alone. Cas walked up right behind Dean. He stared at the hunters ass for a second. Cas always enjoyed looking at it... It was nice. He looked back up at tapped Deans shoulder. 

"Yeah?", Dean responded, still focused on cooking the food. Cas didn't respond, instead he turned Dean around to him. Dean looked at him in confusion. Cas looked deep into Dean's green princess eyes. 

"Dean, we need to talk.", Cas said in a serious voice. His deep baritone was already serious as is, but the real urgency was shown in his eyes. 

 

"Can we talk later Cas? I'm kind of busy.", Dean gestured the all ready searing eggs and bacon behind him. "Dean it's important", Cas said as he shifted his body closer to Dean's. 

"Cas, is something wrong? you okay?", he asked sincerely. "The experience you and I shared last week...", Cas managed. 

"Oh, the poltergeist?", Dean nodded. "Cas, I know that one was a little weirder than usual but...", he was trying to explain but got interrupted. 

"Not... "That" experience Dean...", Cas took a small step closer to Dean. 

"If your talking about the porn thing..."

"Dean, you know what I'm talking about."  
Dean pretended to act confused. 

"The kiss... Dean.", Cas said. "Between us."

"Oh, that. Cas, I...", Dean tried to protest.  
Cas took another step closer to wear their faces were 2 inches apart. Dean took a step back and accindently put his hand on the burner.

"SHIT!!!", Dean yelled in pain. He moved around Cas and put his burnt hand under the cold water in the sink. "Dammit, Cas!", he shouted. 

"I'm so sorry, Dean! I didn't mean to.", Cas apologized. He reaches into one of the cabinets and pulled out a roll of bandages. "Here, let me put this on your hand.", Cas walked over to Dean.

They both sat down at the table. Dean held out his hand and let Cas bandage the wound. They didn't talk for the first few minutes until Cas broke the silence. "So you do remember it.", he said.

"Umm, yeah, I guess I remember something like that. But I thought it was a dream or some shit at first.", Dean explained nervously.

"Did you, enjoy it...possibly?", Cas asked as he finished the bandaging. 

Dean looked down. "Cas, I'm not... Gay...okay? I like women, hot, sexy women.", Dean tried to make his point clear. Cas didn't speak. 

"I'm gonna go get breakfast burritos, since all our food is crap now."

Dean got up and walked and left to go get the new breakfast. Cas put his head in his hands and sighed. 

For the next few days, Dean completely ignored Cas. he hardly even recognized his presence. The angel was having a hard time dealing with the neglect. 

Sam and Cas were in the library one night trying to find any possible cases in a 300 mile radius of the bunker while Dean was in the shower.

 

They had only found a few possible cases when Sam got off the subject. 

"Cas, what's up with you and Dean?", he asked.

"I don't know what your talking about, Sam."

"You two have been ignoring each other for the past few days. I don't know what it is but can you guys just get a grip please? It's annoying", Sam said with no hesitation at all. 

Cas looked at Sam and nodded. They continued researching until about 3:00am when Sam said he was going to bed. After he knew Sam was asleep, Cas walked to Dean's bedroom to check on him.

Cas had always done this, and when he had become human, he didn't stop the habit of watching over Dean. Cas peeked through the cracked door.

Dean was laying down on his stomach in an t-shirt and a pair jeans. He had his head phones in. Cas could hear the load music from headphones on the other side of the room. Dean was still awake.

Cas wanted to take Sam's advice and make amends with Dean. He couldn't bare the separation much longer. He walked over to Dean and slowly put his and on his shoulder. That exact second, dean's natural killer instinct kicked in. 

He pulled his demon knife out from under his pillow and jumped on Cas, knocking him to the ground, also knocking off Deans headphones. 

Dean was sitting on top of Cas with a knife to his throat. Dean looked at Cas's terrified face, He then realized that he just jumped him. Dean pulled back the knife. "What the hell, Cas?", he yelled. "I almost killed you, you dumbass! You're not exactly invincible anymore."

Cas was breathing heavily. 

"Can you please get off me, Dean?", he asked. "I'm having trouble breathing at the moment."

Dean got up and pulled Cas to his feet.  
"What are you doing Cas?", Dean asked with an annoyed tone. 

"I came to say I'm sorry... I'm very sorry, Dean.", Cas said shamefully.

"What?", Dean asked.

"I'm sorry that I caused all of this confusion with the kiss in the parking lot. It's my fault.", Cas said looking down. 

"I never should've made that choice. Dean, my feelings for you have just... You're more than a friend to me. I love you , Dean.

And I understand that we don't share the same feelings for each other. But...", Cas's eyes became watery. "I'm asking you to forgive me... It's your decision. Good night Dean."

Dean said nothing. Cas turned around and headed for the door. 

He opened it wide enough to get through but before he could exit, Dean's hand appeared in front of him and slammed the door shut.

Dean yanked Cas around and pushed him against the closed door. Dean pressed his lips against Cas's and started kissing him violently. He was surprised at first but then melted into the kiss. Dean put his hands on Cas's arms and pressed them against the door. Cas really didn't know what to do so just went along with it. 

Dean lifted up Cas's shirt and then his own. They made it over to the bed and dean threw Cas down. Dean crawled on top of him while kissing his neck. 

He kissed down his neck and until kissed the warding tattoo on Cas's side. Then came back up and was kissing him on the mouth again. Cas was new at the whole sex thing, especially gay sex.

He had done it once with a reaper named April but that was different. She was a women obviously. Cas wasn't sure what to do so he flipped Dean over on the bed so he would be on top. Dean was surprised. 

"Was that okay? Did I do it wrong?", Cas asked Dean. He replied by putting his hand around Cas's neck and pulling him down for more kissing. Cas was unsure what to do next but then remembered something April did to him. 

He pulled Dean's pants and boxers down and started blowing him, he knew what that term meant now. Dean started moaning. When he finished he came back up. "Did I do that right?", Cas asked again.   
"Hell yes.", Dean answered and then did the same. 

There wasn't much talking besides that for their first time. They feel alseep in Dean's bed that night. The next morning Cas woke up first with a headache. His head was on Deans chest. 

He got up quietly and slowly and slipped on some of Deans clothes and went to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and looked into the mirror. 

Cas opened up the cabinet behind it and grabbed some aspirin. He put it in his mouth and leaned over the sink to swallow the pill down with water. When he looked back up into the mirror, Cas noticed red coming from his nose. Blood. It's was flowing fast, faster than when he would get punched in the nose. 

It scared him, a nose bleeding on its own with out any real physical damage. He grabbed a towel and held it to his nose but the blood was flowing too fast and one towel wouldn't contain all of it. 

He didn't know how to treat it, he had had healing powers for as long as he could remember. He didn't know what to do next. So he called out.  
"DEAN!". He tried to get to the door but fell to his knees. "Dean...", he called out in a more raspy, struggling voice. 

Then everything went dark...


	3. Something's wrong with Cas

Chapter 3: Something's wrong with Cas

 

Cas woke up in a hospital bed. He shot straight up but was restrained by tubes and wires. Cas looked around the room but saw no one. Where was Dean? Sam? Why was he even in a hospital? Cas didn't remember anything. He pulled of the sheets, he was in a white shirt and light blue scrub pants.

Cas swung his legs over the edge of the hospital bed and pulled off the tubes around his face and the clip on his finger. He yanked out the needle from the IV he was connected to and pushed himself up to stand. 

Cas lost his balance and fell onto the hard tile. "Dammit", he yelled. Cas couldn't get back up. "Dean, Sam!!!", he yelled again but no one seemed to hear him. Cas pushed himself half-way up but his arms buckles and his face hit the floor again. He was weak.  
He heard the door swing open and someone sipping a straw from a styrofoam cup. It was Dean. 

"Dean? A little assistance please.", Cas said weekly. Dean looked down and saw him on the floor. He dropped his drink and rushed over to the fallen angel (no pun intended). 

"Holy shit, Cas!", Dean yelled as he bent down to pick him up. "How are you... Oh my god... I never thought you were gonna wake up, man.". 

Dean put Cas back on the bed and gave him a huge bear hug and didn't let go for a couple seconds. "Dean, what do you mean by "wake up?", Cas asked confused. " You've... You've been asleep for like, I dunno, 3 weeks now, man. They said you were in a coma.", Dean exlpained as he sat on the side of the bed. "3 weeks?! Dean, I don't remember anything. What happened to me? Where's Sam?"

"Sam's okay, he's at the bunker. And I woke up in my bed after our, uh... thing". They looked at each other intensely. "And, you, you just were laying on the floor in the bathroom. There was blood everywhere, man. I, I thought you were dead.".

 

"Well, I do remember "our thing" vaguely.", Cas responded with a small smile as he examined Dean. "Um, yeah.", Dean smiled too.   
"So... What is it Dean?", Cas asked. "What?"  
"What do I have? I most likely have some sort of illness, correct?", Cas asked sincerely.   
Dean hesitated. "Cas, they tried to find whatever the hell it was, and I did too. But we got nothing, man."   
Cas looked discouraged. "We don't know what kind of shit this is. Sam even looked back at Jimmy's records and there's nothing. There weren't any hex bags either. Do you have any grace left? I mean, maybe you don't have enough for your powers but... I dunno, maybe now your really running low or some shit.", Dean tried to find an explanation.   
"No, that can't be it. My grace is gone, Dean. Im sure of it. ", Cas added. 

Cas put his hand on top of Dean's and looked into his green eyes.   
"We'll figure this out, Dean.", Cas reassured Dean although deep down he had know idea how. "I'll be fine... I promise.". Dean felt comforted by these words. Cas leaned in slowly, and kissed Dean's lips very gently. He pulled away just enough to gaze into Dean's green eyes.

"Damn, I missed you", Dean whispered. "I slept here every night, Cas, waiting for your feathery ass to wake up.". Cas chuckled. "I don't think I'm ever letting you fall asleep again.". "Dean, I have to sleep, as a human it's physical and mental impossible to go without bed rest for a certain amount of...", Cas tried to explain to Dean before he realized Dean's sympathy. "Oh, that was sarcasm, wasn't it?", Cas corrected him self. 

"Holy shit Cas, I REALLY missed you.", Dean said as he put his hand around Cas's neck and pulled him in for another kiss. 

"Get me out of here, Dean.", Cas begged. "Cas, you know I would but, you literally just woke up. You can't even walk." 

Cas made eye contact with Dean. "Dean... Get my overcoat, and get me out of here.", Cas demanded. "Now."

Dean saw the urgency and Cas's eyes and grabbed a wheel chair and his coat and they left the hospital. They got to the bunker and Dean picked up Cas, walked him down the steps and took him to Cas's room. Sammy was asleep down the hallway in his room. 

When they got to his room, Dean shut the doors and put Cas down by the bed. Cas took off his trench coat while leaning against the wall and threw it on the bed. "Dean, can you, uh, help me, please?", Cas asked politely. 

Dean walked over to him but instead of helping Cas get to the bed, he turned him around so Cas's back was against the wall. "Dean, I...", Cas tried to say but was interrupted when Dean pressed his lips to Cas's neck. 

Cas breathed heavily. "Cas, what do you remember about that night?", Dean asked between the kisses along his jawline. "I don't recall much...", Cas sighed loudly. "Well, I think...", Dean said as he started sliding his hands under Cas's.

T-shirt. "I'm gonna make you remember. Dean lifted up Cas's shirt and pinned him against the wall. He pressed his lips hard against Cas's and they starting battling tongues. 

Dean grabbed Cas's thighs and picked him up, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist. He turned around and threw Cas down on the bed. 

Dean quickly pulled off his shirt and shoes and crawled and sat right on top of Cas. Dean traced Cas's tattoo with his fingers pinned his arms back to kiss his face and neck. Cas moaned, he tried to restrain because it made him feel impure and dirty, but he couldn't help it. 

"I want you, Cas...", Dean sighed between breaths of air. At that second Cas let it pass through his mind. He was having sex with Dean Winchester. It occurred to him how many times he may have told a girl that he wanted her. Was this just another, as Dean called it, a "hook up"? What if this wasn't love? What if Dean didn't feel the same way about him as Cas felt about Dean? 

"Dean...", Cas said in a serious tone.  
Dean didn't stop. "Dean!", he yelled again. "I love it when you say my name...", Dean replied as he continued. Cas pushed Dean off of him and onto the floor. They both sat up. 

"What the hell was that?", Dean yelled angrily. "I... Dean...", Cas managed as Dean stood up. "Well, spit it out, Romeo!", he demanded. 

"Dean, are we... hooking up?", Cas was afraid of the term. "Umm, yeah! Kinda! Why the hell you kick me off the fricken bed!?"

"I'm sorry, Dean... I, I think you should leave...", Cas said quietly looking down. "Cas, what are talking about?", Dean asked more calmly as he stepped closer to the messed up bed. "Please, just leave... now, Dean."  
Dean picked up his shoes and slid his shirt on quickly and left the room, slamming the door loudly behind him leaving Cas teary eyed and alone. This was supposed to be love. 

The wetness from Deans lips still remained on Cas's body. He practically dragged his ass to the shower and stayed in for an hour at the least.

Cas felt cheated almost, like there was never anything between them. He had dreamed of moments like those he had just experienced for years. He felt like Dean had treated him as one if his whores. This was a new kind of pain for Castiel.


	4. This will kill him

Chapter 4: This will kill him

It was almost a month since Castiel got out of the hospital. The recurring headaches and nosebleeds has become a serious problem and annoyance. They revisited the hospital whenever his symptoms became out of control. The group had no idea what was happening to Cas. They constantly waited for his MRI scan results to come back as they figured the issues might be because of his brain. 

They stopped looking into paranormal cases as much as it became increasingly difficult to move Cas around without having to keep him near a hospital. On the other hand, Dean and Cas weren't talking, the connection between them was undeniably existent but Dean was still angry with Cas for rejecting him. 

Dean knew that whatever was wrong with Cas wasn't going to be good. It was hard to be mad and still care so much about him.

Cas had had another attack the night before and spent the night at the hospital. Dean and Sam stayed with him like always and were waiting at the for the new test results  
to come in. 

It was about 10:00 at night and Cas had fallen asleep, curled up on his bed under the sheets. Sam was sleeping in a chair by the window, his arms sprawled out, snoring.   
Like most nights in the hospital, Dean watched Cas sleep, his feet kicked up on the bed and his hand supporting his head. 

It was hard to watch him like this, on some visits, Cas would be asleep for days at a time, a side effect of whatever this. When they arrived at the hospital this time, they cauterized Cas's nose to prevent further bleeding. It amazed Dean how quickly these things passed. They would get to the hospital, practically carrying Cas and after a few days they'd all go home and he would be completely fine. 

The cycle was endless and tiring.

Dean watched Cas breath against the sheets. He looked so peaceful when he wasn't yelping in pain and bleeding himself dry. 

Dean had bags under his eyes for staying up so long. A slight knock on the door came and it slowly swung open. Dean turned his head around and saw it was a nurse who had come to check on Cas. Her name tag read "Erin". She had short blonde hair and was skinny and tall. She walked in with a smile on her face and saw Dean.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?", she asked in a whisper. 

"No, no, I was awake. Just making sure he's alright.", Dean turned his head back toward Cas. 

"That's my job, you know.", she said with a small laugh. 

Erin walked over to Cas and started examining his IV and medicine bags. She pulled the sheets further up onto him and fixed the breathing tubes over his face. 

"You know visiting hours were over an hour ago."

"We're family." 

"Brothers?", she asked crossing her arms. 

"Something like that."

Another knock came on the door. A doctor in a white coat slipped through the cracked door and excused Erin from the room.   
It was Dr. Anthony, the one they had been seeing over the past month. 

"Hi, are you Dean Winchester?", he asked in a hushed tone. He wasn't smiling like Erin. In his hands was a large packet that read "MRI" on the front of it. 

Dean sat up and nodded his head. 

"Can I speak with you please, alone?", Dr. Anthony asked.

Dean got up from his chair in response and followed the doctor down the hall to the nurses station on that floor. 

"These are for you.", he said as he handed Dean the packet. "They're his MRI results.". Dean took the packet reluctantly. He was afraid what he would find. "We found something that the other tests didn't."

"Well, what is it?", Dean asked as he opened the packet and started flipping through the x-Ray photos, holding them up to the dim ceiling light. "I don't see anything."

Dr. Anthony reached his hand out and pointed at a very small white spot on the sheet. 

"That..."

Dean squinted his eyes to see it. It was practically invisible. "Well spit it out". He demanded impatiently. 

"It's an aneurism, Dean."

They were silent for a moment.

Dr. Anthony shook his head and looked down. 

"I'm so sorry, Dean. But there's nothing we can do.". 

"What the hell are you talking about?", Dean shouted, his eyes becoming watery. 

"Dean, this will kill him. And I can't tell you when, but one day...", Dr. Anthony's voice trailed off. "He's not going to wake up.". Dean dropped the x-rays and caught himself on the edge of the nurses station. His mouth was quivering, his eyes blinking rapidly to absord the news.

"No, no, you... You can't just...", Dean was sobbing, tears rolling violently off his face. "There's gotta be somethin' you can do... You can't just let him die!"

"It's too risky, if I tried anything he would die for sure, Dean" 

Dean put his wet face in his hands. He didn't usually cry around people. "You're a fucking doctor! This is your fucking job, you know!", He shouted pointing his finger. His face completely red. Dean reached for Dr. Anthony's coat collar and gripped him tight, shaking him back and forth like a dog. "You can't just tell me that that small ass, little speck in his head is the reason for all of this bullshit, and you can't do a damn thing about!?", Dean shouted.

Other nurses began to surround the two. Dean gestured down the hall, never letting go of the his collar. "You get in there and you fix him, NOW!", Dean yelled. "Or I swear to god, I will fucking kill you.". It took about 5 nurses get Dean to release his grip on Dr. Anthony and to pull him away. He pushed the nurses off of him and stormed down the hallway. Dr. Anthony remained a completely calm face throughout the episode with Dean. It didn't bother him. 

Dean stormed down the hall and went into the men's room near the elevator, locking the door behind him. 

He leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting in a ball on the floor. He gripped at his hair, pulling his hands down to wipe his face. 

Was this some sort of sick joke? He thought so at first but then reality sunk in. Cas. The man he loved. He was going to die. Yes, everybody dies eventually and they usually never know when. But just the thought of it made Dean want to vomit. 

He pulled himself up and stumbled over to the porcelain sink. Dean looked into the mirror and saw how much of a mess he was. He leaned down and rinsed his face with cold water. Cas couldn't know that he had been crying. Cas couldn't know about anything. Or Sam. How was he going to even tell them anyways? 

Dean took a long look in the mirror. He was breathing heavily, his teeth gritted. He was more angry than sad about it. How could a tiny little bubble in Cas's brain cause him to practically scream in pain? 

Dean started to get rilled up again and at the heat of the moment, he punched the glass of the mirror, causing it to shatter. He didn't even realize what he'd done. His fist was starting to bleed but Dean didn't care. He spent a few more minutes in the bathroom, processing the previous events. He rinsed his hand and wrapped it lazily in a paper towel. 

Dean left the men's room and made his way back to Cas and Sam. They were both still sleeping. Dean wiggled out of his jacket and hung on the edge of the bed. 

He sat down in his chair and laid his on the edge of the bed, inches away from Cas's face. Cas moved a lot in his sleep. He would squirm a little every few minutes. That's just one of the little things that made Cas... Cas. 

Dean gently took a hold of Cas's hand and enclosed his fingers around his. Dean could feel the steady breathing of Cas against his face. He leaned forward ever so slowly and put his lips against Cas's. 

The first their lips had touched in a month. He pulled back just enough to glance at his face. His eyes twitched as he dreamed. Cas sleep talked all the time, random shit would come out of his mouth. Not just moans but clear as day words. 

Most of the time, "Dean" would escape from Cas's lips. It made him smile when ever he did. Dean felt a tug on his hand as Cas gripped it and struggled to open his eyes.

"Dean?", he spoke, his voice slurred.

"Hey...", Dean answered. "Did i wake you up?"

"No... I was dreaming about...", his voice trailed off.

"What?", Dean asked in a soothing whisper. 

"It's nothing", Cas moaned. 

"Come on, say it...", Dean said in a sweet, soothing voice.

"I was dreaming about... about you.", Cas said half asleep. 

"Ah, really? How'd I look?", he asked with a small chuckle.

"Nice, you looked really nice, Dean." 

Cas blushed.

"Cas... I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry.", Dean said, looking into Cas's blue eyes.

"Hmm? For what?"

"For being a dick to you. Not talking to you..."

"It's okay, Dean. I'm sorry too. I suppose we were both being dicks.", Cas whispered softly. 

Dean eyes started watering up. His breaths became staggered. He didn't have the strength to tell Cas about the aneurism. 

"Dean, what's wrong?", Cas's small smile became straight. Cas wiggled around and sat up a little. "Nothin, I'm just... It's just sad to watch you like this... all hooked up.", Dean managed, wiping his eyes with is wounded hand. 

Cas grabbed his wrist and saw the small amounts of blood seeping through to paper towel. "Did you punch something again?", he asked as he examined the poorly bandaged cuts from glass. "Yeah, well... You know me.". Dean laughed quietly and Cas gripped his hand. "Go back to sleep, okay? We'll be outta here soon"

Cas drifted back to sleep seconds later thanks to his medicine. Two days later, they checked out of the hospital and went home. 

Cas's medicine hadn't worn off completely so he went to his room to lay down for a little while. Dean was reluctant to tell him or Sam about the aneurism. How could he? Cas wasn't one who lived life to the fullest, what if he just drew within himself like he did when he went crazy and got Lucifer out of Sam's   
head?

And he couldn't tell Sam, not yet at least. He doubted that Crowley would be able to help. That anyone would be able to help. But he knew he couldn't keep it hidden for long.

Dean walked to Cas's room and stood in the doorway. Cas was napping on his bed under a throw blanket. Dean stood there for awhe watching him sleep. 

 

He hadn't been in Cas's room in about a month. Dean longed for him, to hold him, to kiss him. He missed it so much. Dean loved him, he hadn't loved someone like that since Lisa. 

Dean turned around and was about to leave but heard a small voice. "Don't go...". Cas was still awake. Dean walked over to the bed and stood in front of Cas. "Stay...", Cas said sleepily. Dean nodded his head and walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed on.

He laid right behind Cas and put his arm around his waist hesitantly. "Why are you letting me do this, Cas?", Dean whispered behind his ear. 

"Because... I know you won't leave this time...". Cas reached for Dean's arm and pulled him tighter around his waist. 

They just laid there. Dean rested his chin on top of Cas's head. He watched his own breath move Cas's messy, brown hair. He could tell Cas had gone back to sleep because he started squirming a little as he dreamed. 

A tear fell from Dean's face and landed on Cas's hair. He wanted to spend forever like this but he knew that wasn't going to happen. And he couldn't stop it.


	5. Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the smut

Chapter 5: Heart

Dean opened his eyes with difficulty the next morning. That was the best sleep he'd had in weeks. Cuddled up right behind Cas, their legs entangled beneath the grey sheets. 

One of his socks had disappeared of his foot. Beside Dean was an impression in the mattress left by Cas. He forced himself to sit up. He scanned the room but didn't see him. 

He turned his head to the light that reached beneath the closed bathroom door. Dean pulled himself out of the bed and wiped his eyes while opening the door. 

"Cas?", Dean asked, clearing his voice. He pulled open the shower curtain revealing his upper body behind. 

"Good Morning", Cas sounded cheerful. Dean stumbled backwards and took a long look at the naked angel half revealed by the curtain. 

Water rain rapidly down his chest and through his hair. Cas gave Dean a big smile. He was obviously feeling much better now that he was off of the medication they gave him at the hospital. 

Dean smiled back and stepped further into the bathroom closing the door behind him. Dean leaned down in front of the sink to wash his face and the self inflicted cut on his hand from smashing it into the mirror at hospital a few days before. 

Cas never questioned it because he knew how Dean took out his anger on things/people. It just didn't seem out-of-the-blue to him. 

Castiel put himself behind the shower curtain again to continue bathing. "Hey Dean?", Cas asked loudly to so he could hear him through the beating of the water in the porcelain tub. 

"If we have to go back to the hospital for my headaches, can you tell my them to ease up on my medication? It's not an enjoyable experience."

Dean wiped his face with a towel and sighed quietly. "Yeah... sure, I'll tell em'.", Dean lied. He loved seeing Cas up and moving, being happy when he was sick. But sometimes the screams of pain would be to much for him. 

Cas made a shivering sound through the curtain. "Are you taking a cold shower?", Dean shouted. 

Cas poked his head out again. "Umm, is it supposed to be warm? It was like this when I turned it on." 

Dean walked over to the Cas and opened the curtain slightly more to reach in and turn the knob. "This way is cold...", he showed him. "And this way makes it warm.". 

Cas nodded his head. Dean was practically standing in the shower with him. He smiled at Cas and took a full look at him and smiled even more. 

Dean pulled back but Cas grabbed his arm lightly. "Dean?", he asked nervously. 

"Do you wanna... I saw it on those porn videos you have and... Well, there's this thing that two people do when they get in a bath tub or shower together and uhh..." 

"You want to have shower sex with me?", Dean asked coolly. 

"If that's what you call it."

"You sure Cas?". Dean licked his lips.

"Shower sex is complicated." 

Cas nodded his head, his smile stretching across his face. Dean pulled out of the shower a took his cloths off. Cas blushed when he heard Dean's belt hit the tiled floor. 

Cas faced towards the water and let the warmth cover his face and neck, letting it run down his body. 

Dean pulled back the curtains from behind Cas and slowly stepped in. The sound of the curtains sliding against the metal rod made him shiver. 

He heard the curtains go back into place as he felt Deans worn fingers find their spot on either side of Cas's hips.

He felt Dean's breath against the shell of his ear as he bent his head down to kiss the nape of Cas's neck. 

Cas was getting weak at his knees and had a hand supporting him against the wet wall of the shower. 

Dean dragged his lips up and down his neck, to his shoulder and back up again, nipping on his ear. "I'm glad you're feeling better.", he breathed against Cas's warm skin. "It means we get to do more of this...".

Dean jerked Cas around and pinned him against the wall of the shower. Their lips enclosed around each other's. Cas had no wiggle room with Dean's pelvis pinning him against the wall tightly. 

"I'm not lettin' you go anywhere.", Dean whispered in a smile and laughed a little bit too. His fingers racing up and down Cas's chest going further and further down as they did. 

"Cas, you know you gotta fuck talk too. Don't let me monologue, it gets boring."

"Fuck talk?", Cas was confused. 

"You can't just not say shit during sex. Say something dirty to me", Dean demanded. 

"Uhh, well...", Cas struggled to find something to say. Dirty? Cas didn't even know how to talk dirty. "I don't know what to...".

"Demand something from me, like you really, really want it.". 

Cas thought for a few seconds.   
"Umm, touch me... please?", he raised his shoulders slightly. 

"Is that a question?", Dean asked. 

"No.", Cas cleared his throat and spoke in a deeper, more demanding voice. "Touch me. Now.".

"We'll work on it."

Dean returned his hands to Cas's waist and his mouth to his neck. He wrapped his arms around his back and ran them down to grab Cas's ass. 

Castiel's fingernails bit into the back of Dean's neck and he drove his hands threw his dirty blonde hair. 

Dean sank down to his knees, almost slipping completely on the porcelain. He teased Cas little by little, never taking him in entirely. Cas's swung his head back along with his arms, beating the wall of the steamy shower. 

His moans became signals for Dean to take him on even farther. He kept teasing him until Cas came. After that Cas gave Dean a turn. 

They both got out when the water turned cold and got ready since it was only 8:30 by then. 

Cas felt so alive around Dean. He obviously had a lot more experience than he did. And shower sex was actually complicated. He probably had slipped 3 or 4 times but Dean had stayed completely in control. Cas didn't let many people control him anymore but the way Dean did it made him feel special.

They went into the kitchen to make breakfast. Cas neglected to get coffee as he was already so awake. Dean heading straight to the stove and ignited it then pulled a pan out of a cabinet. Cas helped by getting a carton of eggs. 

"How many u want?", Dean asked while cracking them onto the pan. 

"Two, should I go ask Sam how many he wants?"

"Yeah, sure if he's not still sleeping. And uh, don't jerk him up, he might shove a gun in your face." 

"Don't worry, I'll be sure not to "jerk him up.".", Cas said as he headed out the kitchen door and down the hallway to Sam's room. 

The door fell open when Cas gave it a knock. He looked over to the mess of quilts and sheets fumbled at the foot of the bed. Sam wasn't there. He checked in the bathroom after knocking on it as well. 

Cas made his way back to the kitchen, pecking into doors along the way. and saw Dean was half way done cooking the eggs. 

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't find Sam"

Dean looked over his shoulder to catch a glance at Cas and shrugged his shoulders. "You sure?"

"Yes Dean, I'm sure."

"Well, he should be here..."

"You don't think he went on his own hunt do you?", Cas asked as he leaned up against the archway of the door. 

Dean shrugged. "I dunno, maybe."

"Don't you think he would've told us?"

Dean was about to answer when he heard a door slam shut and footsteps shuffling down the stairs that ended in the common room. 

"Sammy?", Dean yelled out as he quickly cut the stove off and ran in direction of the sound. Cas followed.

Sam was stomping down the stair. His stiffened face showed that he was angry about something. 

"Sam, where've you been, you can't just waltz out of here and not tell anybody.". 

"Dean, I have to talk to you.", Sam grabbed Dean's arm and practically dragged him to the torture room downstairs where they could be alone. Dean tried to wiggle out of his grub but Sam was basically the size of a car. 

When they got downstairs, Sam closed and locked the door behind him. 

Dean was standing in the middle of the room confused as he watched Sam lock the door. He turned around to him and pulled a packet out of his jacket and threw it at Dean. 

"What the hell Dean!? Why didn't you tell me?", Sam shouted, gritting his teeth. 

Dean opened the packet. It was Cas's MRI results that his doctor had shown him a few days before. 

"Sam, please... You don't...", Dean tried to calm him down.

"I don't what, Dean? I don't understand?", Sam shook his head in disbelief. "Bullshit, I found these in the trash, Dean. You weren't in your room this morning and i figured Cas was still sleeping so I drove to the hospital and asked Dr. Anthony about them and...", he was shaking. "An aneurism?"

Dean just stood there, not knowing how to respond. 

"Why didn't you guys tell me?", Sam asked as he took a step towards Dean. His anger had minimized. 

Dean lowered his head and shook it. Tears were coming. He tried to blink them away but the pain wasn't like being shot or stabbed. He couldn't heal from it. 

He looked back up at Sam.

"You, you can't tell him... He, he can't know. Not yet.", Dean breaths where staggered.

"He doesn't even know?", Sam had raised his voice again. 

Dean bit his lip and inhaled deeply. 

"Please Sam... please don't tell him. I'll do it, I'll figure it out, I promise but he's just not ready... He just became human, Sam. He doesn't, he doesn't even know what it's like.".

Tears were coming from Sam's eyes too. 

"Gimme ONE very good reason why I shouldn't march my ass out if here and tell him.".

Dean hesitated and didn't say anything for a moment. What was he going to say? There was only one very good reason but he wasn't sure he was ready to say it.

"One reason, Dean!".

Dean still said nothing. 

Sam turned around and started unlocking the door. It was now or never. 

"Because I love him, Sam.", Dean said quietly, choking on tears.

Sam stopped messing with the lock and turned around. 

"Well, I love him too Dean but we can't just..."

"Not, "that" kind of love, Sam..."

Sam didn't know what to say for a moment. 

"You, you and Cas?".

"Yeah... Yes it's, it's complicated sometimes but yeah, we're...", Dean wiped his eyes. 

"Thats my reason, so if you tell him I'm not if I'll be able to forgive your sorry ass.". Dean walked around Sam and opened the locks, leaving the room as Sam still stood there. 

Dean walked back upstairs to find Cas leaning on the edge of the kitchen countertop, drinking casually out of a coffee cup. 

Cas made a small smile which changed the atmosphere of the room. Dean returned it and walked over to Cas. He took the coffee cup out of his hands and set his gently on the counter. 

Dean hugged Cas tightly. "Hey, are you okay Dean.", he squeezed him tighter. Cas tried to hold him but Dean arms were in the way. 

"You're kind of hurting me...", Cas managed as he was temporarily running out of air. 

Dean loosed his grip and pulled back just enough to see his face. "Sorry...", he ran his hands up and down Cas's arms. 

"Are you okay? You look like you've been crying.". 

Cas put one hand on Dean's cheek, using his thumb to wipe away what looked like tears to him. 

"I'm fine.", Dean said flatly. 

"I don't really know how do this but, uh... Would you like to, um, talk about your emotions?". He raised his shoulders and smiled with an added chuckle. 

"Maybe later", Dean back at Cas and then lightly pressed his lips against his. 

"Do you wanna... leave for a little while?", Dean breathed. 

"Leave?"

"Yeah, like a vacation. Just you and me.", Dean smiled again.

"Dean, are you sure you're okay?"

He nodded his head.

"Where would we go?"

"Wherever you want. Do you have somethin' in mind?"

"There is this one place I've never been to.", Cas said excitingly. 

"Then let's go"


	6. No saving me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apopligize in advance...

Chapter 6: No saving me

 

Cas was still as a rock. His chest wasn't going up and down like it was when he was snoring at night. His nostrils weren't flaring in or out as they did when he would be sleeping at Dean's side. 

Still. He was just still. 

His hands folded neatly over his chest. He had always looked good in a tux. But not like this. His color was gone. His eyes no longer a bright blue. 

His hair was combed neatly as well. Cas hated having his hair neat. They didn't put any makeup on him. Dean wouldn't let them. He thought makeup made people look like painted whores. 

He wasn't going to have his Castiel painted on. Dean held a thorny rose in his hand, purposely gripping it out of anger, confusion, sadness. Emotions hit him like cars. Fast and painfully. 

His Cas laid in a wooden box. Dean wanted something nicer for him, but this funeral had already costed thousands of dollars. Dean's face was wet with tears. He slowly positioned the rose between Cas's cold fingers. 

He laid his hand on top of Cas's, lightly squeezing them. "I'm sorry...", was all he could manage. His throat was dry and raspy from crying. Then Cas opened his eyes, they were no longer blue. They were black. 

Cas gripped Dean's wrist while gritting his teeth, blood seeping out from between them. Dean tried to pull back put Cas's strength was not human. 

"This is your fault!", Cas screamed.   
"You did this to me!"

Then Dean woke up. His heart was beating faster than ever and his breaths were staggered and uneven. 

He had jolted, sitting straight up and didn't even notice it. He sunk his head into his hands. They were shaky, he couldn't seem to get them to stop. 

He glanced across the room. His cloths were in a pile on the floor along with Cas's. He look beside him Castiel was sleeping soundly, sprawled out on his back. 

Dean gently moved a piece of his hair out of his face. But something seemed different, out of the ordinary.

Cas wasn't moving. At least he wasn't moving he usually did in his sleep. He would always twitch a little every few minutes. 

Dean waited a minute.   
No movement.   
Two minutes.   
No movement.   
Three minutes.  
Still Nothing. His chest wasn't even moving.   
Dean reached over to Cas and shook him a little. But Cas didn't respond. "Cas?", he whispered.   
"Cas? Baby? Wake up.", Dean shook him harder. 

"Come on, Cas."

"Cas!?", Dean was practically sitting on top of him. "Baby?"

Dean shook his lifeless body.

 

"Cas please wake up!", he raised his voice near yelling.

Dean bent his ear down to Cas's mouth. There was no breath he could feel. If there was, it was faint. Very faint.

"No, no, no, no. Cas? Please! Please don't... CAS! You son of a bitch, Wake up!", Dean yelled hysterically. Tears rushed down his face. He shakes Cas up and down. 

"SAM!!!!", he screamed for help but it didn't come. 

"Oh my god!". He was holding Cas in his arms. 

"No! I... I didn't even get to tell you! No!", Dean rocked him. 

"CAS!"

_________________________________

"Dean, wake up!".

Dean opened his eyes. He was in Cas's room. He could feel tears on his face. Cas was sitting up beside him. Shaking him. "Dean! It's okay! it's okay!".

He sat up and looked at Cas. He was alive and breathing, he was...Cas. 

"Cas?", Dean managed his throat was dry. "You were having a nightmare, you were screaming and thrashing and I..."

"You're okay?", Dean asked unsure of himself, still in shock. "Oh my god". He reached for Cas and pulled him in with force. His arms wrapped completely around him. Cas leaned into the to touch and ran his fingers through Dean's bed head. 

He placed both hands on Deans cheeks and wiped away the tears. "Of course I'm okay. I'm here with you, Dean.". He pulled him back in for the hug and kissed his forehead. 

Cas laid down on the bed and Dean rested his head on his bare chest. He comforted him by rubbing his upper back slowly with one hand and the other one behind his head. 

Dean still had his arms wrapped around Cas's middle. His tears didn't stop though and he was shaking uncontrollably. 

"I love you.", Cas whispered reassuringly. Dean didn't answer but squeezed Cas tighter to show that he heard him and that he loved him too. 

"Everything will be alright and, as long as I have you, I will be alright too.", Cas whispered on last time before drifting off to sleep. 

On the other hand, Dean didn't sleep that night. He had just watched Cas die and attend his funeral and come back as something that wasn't him. He was not alright.

The next morning, Dean and Cas headed out for their vacation Dean had promised him. Cas had wanted to go to New York City, he hadn't been since the 20's and wanted to see how beautiful it still was. 

It was going to be a 24 hour drive in the Impala whether they shagged ass or not. Cas sat in the passenger seat of the car and couldn't help but smile for two reasons.

One, he was going to one of his favorite places and two, he was actually in the passenger seat. No one had ever let him do that before.

Dean had a hard time trying to be happy with Cas during the drive. The nightmare he had the night before still had him shaken up. He remembered Cas saying it was "his fault". What did that even mean. How was it his fault? He knew it was just a dream but it kept eating away at him. But It didn't matter then. He was with Cas. He was happy. 

It was the middle of the night by now and Dean was still driving. Cas was curled up in the passenger seat. He face was smushed up against the glass window. Dean wasn't worried if Cas was really sleeping or not because he kept twitching in his sleep and his breaths had fogged that window. It was actually kind of adorable. 

Dean had the radio volume turned low so Cas could sleep. Asia was playing. Cas hated Asia. He would probably change it when he woke up. 

Cas already had a taste in music. It was nothing that playing currently on the radio and it wasn't anything like on Dean's tapes. He had become oldschool, The Beatles, Elivis, it kept going. 

Sometimes when Cas understood the actual meaning of a song, he would shed a tear. It made Dean laugh so hard though. 

Castiel was still barely asleep in his seat. He must have been dreaming again because he started to murmer words. Dean's name escaped his lips more than a few times. 

Cas shook and woke up from the dream. He turned his head towards Dean, his eyes focused on the empty road ahead of them. 

"Dean?", Cas groaned rubbing his eyes, situating himself in the seat. 

"Wow... I must be really good."

"What?"

"I was screwing you in your dreams wasn't I?"

Cas blushed. "How did you...?"

"First of all, you were sayin my name a lot and second, you have a boner.", Dean gestured towards the lump in Cas's pants. He quickly pulled his feet up onto the seat to hide it. 

"At least your having good dreams.", Dean shrugged. 

Cas yawned. "What was that about anyways?". 

"Huh?"

"The nightmare you had last night, well, it was either that or a what looked like a seizure to me.", Cas explained. 

"Oh, that. It was nothing, I can hardly remember it now.", Dean answered, trying to make a convincing lie, honestly, he couldn't forget it if he tried.

"That's a lie, Dean. I may not be an angel anymore but I can still tell when you're lying."

"I don't wanna talk about it"

"Dean."

"I said I don't want to talk about it!", Dean had raised his voice.

Cas look straight at the road, the lines past by like lightning, Dean was going pretty fast. 

Dean sighed. 

"I'm sorry, it's just that, it was a really bad dream.", Dean tried to apologize. 

Cas didn't answer, he was hurt. Dean knew Cas could be stubborn but Cas looked upset. 

"You died. In my dream you died.", he said quietly.

Cas looked back at Dean with a blank face. 

"But I'm not dead, why are you still so upset about it?"

"Cas, when you have a shit filled nightmare like the one I had last night, it's hard to wrap your head around it.". Dean let his head sink into the back of his seat. 

"I know, Dean.", Cas whispered. 

"I'm not really sure you do."

"No, that's not what I mean.". 

"Then what do you mean cause your confusing the hell out of me.", Dean said, without any patience. 

"I know I'm going to die.", Cas spat out. 

Dean felt a knot in his throat. But he tried to keep his cool. 

"Yeah, and I'm gonna die too, it's something humans do."

"Don't you dare, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, Dean.", Cas said sternly, the anger in his voice made Dean feel uneasy. 

"I don't know what you're talkin about.", Dean's lie was convincing, anybody would have been fooled by it except for Cas. 

"The hospital, the headaches, the nosebleeds, the pain... I know what's happening to me and I know you can't help me."

Dean slowed down the Impala and pulled off to the side of the empty road. He let his hands fall to his sides and leaned back in his seat. 

"How long...", Dean stuttered, "How long have you known?". He didn't even want to look at Cas right now.

"A few weeks.". 

"And you just didn't say anything?"

"Well, to be honest, neither did you. The real question here is why didn't you tell me, Dean.". 

"I was going to find way, so you could get better but I knew you wouldn't let me cause the only way I know is to make a deal."

"You're not going to do not." 

"Then how am I supposed to help you!?"

"You're not. I won't let you."

"You son of a bitch! Don't you fucking dare do that to me! I'm trying to save your sorry ass!". Dean got out of the Impala quickly and angrily, slamming the door behind him. 

Cas got out of the car as well and made his way around the front to get to Dean. 

"I'm sorry, Dean. But I won't let you do that for me.". He put his hand on his shoulder but Dean shoved it off as soon as it landed. 

"Don't. Just don't.", he murmured, tears filled his eyes but he tried to blink them away. 

"Why would you do something like that for me?".

"Because it's what people do for the people they love! Okay!? And I'm going to help you!".

Cas drew in a deep breath. Dean had never said he loves him before. It was always an "i know" or a silent gesture, but he had never actually said it. 

They both had tears rolling off their faces by now. 

"How?", Castiel staggered.

"I don't know, but we will."

Cas nodded. 

"Get in the car.", Dean gestured as he wiped his eyes then opened his door and slid into his seat, "we should get goin.". 

Cas walked back around the car and got in as well. He pulled his seat belt over his chest and buckled it. 

Dean leaned over to his seat and enclosed his lips around Castiel's. It was soft and slow. Dean tilted his head to make their lips fit perfectly. 

He pulled back to see Cas's blue eyes. "Sorry about that, the argument thing.", he breathed. 

"I like your apologies.", Cas whispered and slipped his hand behind the back of Dean's neck and pulled him in for another kiss. 

They separated themselves and Dean started driving again. They're finger tips barely touching between them. 

Dean turned the volume dial of the radio up. Warrent was playing, 

"She's my cherry pie-", Dean started to sing. 

Cas looked at him with a smile although he was shaking his head. 

"No Dean, just no.", Cas said as he searched through the stations. 

"Oh come on!", Dean protested. 

"No, you come on! I'm the one who's dying here!" 

That shut Dean up. He didn't like how Castiel was using that as an excuse, like it was funny. It wasn't. It made a knot in his throat. He let Cas continue to surf the stations to find something he liked. 

He stopped on a slow song. 

'And I... can't...help... falling in love with you...'. 

Dean recognized the song all too familiar to him, though it definitely wasn't his kind of music. 

"Really? Elvis?", Dean complained. 

"What? What's wrong with Elvis?"

"Nothing.", Dean shook his head and smiled, drawing his focus back to the dimmed road. 

He glanced at Cas a few times and watched him smile and sing along with the song. 

"Elvis...", Dean said under his breath, too quiet for Castiel to hear. "I can dig Elvis...". 

_________________________________  
IM SORRY, I HAD TO! YOU CANT EXPECT TO READ ANY DESTIEL FANFIC WITHOUT IT HAVING A TWIST AND SHOUT REFERENCE!


	7. Let's just forget

Chapter 7: Let's just forget 

The impala rolled through the busy city streets of New York City. Cars and buildings and lights of all sorts surrounded them like bars of a cage. 

Castiel had his hands pressed up against the passenger seat window, moving his head back and forth, glancing at the city. 

Cas has his Beetles playing on the radio which fit the atmosphere of the perfectly. 

Dean maneuvered through the annoying traffic, honking the horn whenever he could. Dean looked at Cas every now and then to watch his expression. He was obviously enjoying it.

"Are we there yet?", Cas asked impatiently. He wanted out of the car to explore what seemed to be an all new city to him. 

"Around the block.", Dean said, trying to keep his eyes on the road. They were heading to a small efficiency apartment that Bobby had owned with his wife before he became a hunter. It belonged in the Singer family even though he hadn't stayed there since his wife died. 

They pulled up to the small building. It was squeezed in between two taller complexes that were obviously a good 30 years older than the apartment.

Dean parked the impala in a spaced reserved for the owners of the establishment and got out of the car. Cas rushed up a few steps to get to the door. 

Dean reached in the back and pulled out two suitcases. One his and one Cas's. 

Castiel was literally bouncing with excitement as Dean hiked his way up the steps and fondled with the keys a bit to fix it into the dead lock. Castiel stood right behind him, looking over Dean's broad shoulders.

He purposely slowed down and took his time while trying to unlock the door which made Cas even more eager. 

"Hmm? Why isn't working?", Dean teased. 

"Dean!", Castiel begged for him to hurry. The excitement was becoming unbearable. He hadn't been to New York in a long time. It was so different already.

Cas pressed his chest against Deans back. Both hands on his shoulders and on his toes trying to peer over the tall man. 

Dean opened the door and they walked in the small apartment. Dean put he bags down beside the door and took off his jacket and tossed in on a hook on the wall. 

The apartment was 1 story. It was small and the dark greens and browns on the walls and furniture made it even smaller. The kitchen was small as well and the only thing dividing it from the living area was an old divider screen. 

It only consisted of an old tv, a record player with a shelf of records and a worn, leather love seat couch. Across the apartment was a neat king size bed. 

Most of the time Bobby would sleep here alone when he was in the area but sometimes he let some of his hunter buddies use it. 

Cas walked into the center of the apartment and looked around. It was obvious that no one had been there in a while. 

Dean walked up behind him and laid his hands on Cas's hips, drawing slow circles with his thumbs. "Do you like it?", Dean whispered as his lips brushed the nape of his neck. He knew it wasn't perfect but he wanted Cas to like it.

He turned around to face the 6'3 tall man. Cas tilted his head up to make eye contact as he draped his arms over Dean's shoulders. He stood on his toes to peck at his puckered lips. 

"I'll take that as a yes.", Dean chuckled and then passionately, yet softly kissed him back. His fingers found their way to the small of Cas's back and he slipped them under his shirt, still drawing circles with his thumbs. 

Dean lifted Cas up to where his feet were dangling and the rest of his weight was supported on his hunter. 

Dean walked them over to the couch and sat down between the leather cushions. Cas's hands moved to his face as they both helped lift legs up to straddle Dean who was practically sunken in the love seat. 

His hand's rested on the ex-Angels thighs as they parted each other's lips non-stop. "You're gettin good at this", Dean breathed between kisses. 

"I suppose I have a good teacher.", Cas smiled. His hands explored the back of Dean's neck as their lips continuously moved against each other's. 

Dean moved his hands from Cas's thighs to the belt loops of his pants, tugging him closer. Cas laughed a little and then leaned further into the touch. Cas's arms were drapped over Dean and the couch. They kissed slower and slower, there was still passion but things were calm and relaxed. 

Dean moved his fingertips to the buckle of Cas's belt and started unraveling it. Castiel pulled away enough to look at Dean and pried away his hands from his pants. 

"Can we, wait until later? I just want to enjoy this.", Cas asked politely. 

Dean nodded his head and smirked. "Yeah, sure, we can wait.". He want some of Cas right that minute but if he wanted to wait then he sure as hell wasn't going to stop him. 

Dean returned his hands to Cas's thighs and flipped him over to where he was laying flat on his back on the couch and Dean hovered on top. 

He sunk his lips and dragged them along the nape of Cas's neck. He tilted his head to grant more access. 

They sat laid there kissing for a while until Dean convinced Cas to let him catch a nap. He was pressed up into the love seat with his arms around Castiel, keeping him from falling onto the wooden floor. Dean was sound asleep sooner than later but Cas couldn't sleep. He felt Deans warm breath hit the back of his neck which calmed him. 

Dean had done this for him. Brought him to New York. On an actual vacation. The last time he had been to the city, he was an angel. People partied day and night. Maybe Dean would take him to a club and or a party while they were there.

_________________________________

Dean woke up a few hours later, he was stiff from sleeping on the couch and struggled to sit up. Cas was sitting on the floor in front of the record shelf, thumbing through different albums, trying to find one he would like. 

"You know,", Dean's dry voice cracked. "You're probably not gonna find any music you like in there.". 

"That explains a lot.", Cas sighed. "I looked through these 15 times and haven't found anything."

Dean sat up and walked towards his suitcase and started digging through it. "What are you doing?",'Cas asked as he peered over his shoulder and set down the unwanted records. 

Dean pulled an iPod and a pair of earbuds from the bag and walked tiredly towards the loves seat and sat down, pulling his feet up and crossing his legs.

Castiel got up and sat down in front of Dean on the couch, coping his movements. "Here.". He leaned over and put the earbuds in Cas's ears and started scrolling though songs. 

"What's this?", Cas tilted his head in confusion. He didn't know what Dean was doing at all. "It's an iPod, well, it's Sam's old one. you guys kind of having the same taste in music so here.".

Dean started playing a Beatles song. Cas was startled at first but then smiled at him. "I like this!", he yelled not realizing how loud he was. 

Dean laughed and handed the iPod to him. "It's yours!", He yelled loud enough so Cas could hear him. 

The "Yes Dean, I would like that very much.". Cas blushed and got up, making his way towards the bathroom. "Ok come on.", Dean gestured as he got up from the couch and headed towards the bathroom.

"I thought we-", Cas started. 

"If you haven't noticed, Cas, I smell like dog shit so I'm gonna take a shower first.", Dean explained. 

"Okay.", Cas nodded his head and stayed seated in the couch. 

"Cas?", Dean regained his attention. 

"Yeah?"

"I'm not taking it alone so...", Dean waited by the bathroom door.

Cas squinted his eyes and tilted his head in confusion but quickly realized Dean's message. "Oh...", he got up quickly and followed Dean into the bathroom as they locked the door behind them. 

_________________________________

Dean and Cas walked down the streets of the city. Lights from buildings illuminated the wet sidewalk. A drizzle danced over their heads as they stayed as Dean had pulled Cas in close by his waist. There weren't as many people as you would think on the streets.

"Are we there yet? It's really cold Dean.",Cas complained. All he was wearing was a pair of jeans, work boots, a grey sweatshirt and a black jacket. He didn't have a lot of cloths himself so he just borrowed Dean's. 

"Really? I could've sworn it was summer.", Dean joked sarcastically.   
"I, I don't understand that-", Cas started. "Course you don't.", Dean laughed. "It's right around the corner.".

"Where are we going? Why won't you tell me?", Cas asked obviously tired of walking though the bitter cold rain. 

"I told you it's a surprise.". Dean said as he leaned over and kissed Cas on his head and continued walking. 

"Why didn't we take the impala Dean? We're going to get sick out here.", Castiel complained even more. He was excited that Dean was taking him out, it was new to him though, going on dates.

"You talk to much."

They turned the corner and in front of them was a pizzeria, it was small, the kind that you would just walk in and get a pizza and go somewhere else to eat it. Cas looked up at Dean. "Pizza? Outside?", he gestured towards the increasing amount of rain falling. 

Dean pulled him to his side tightly. "I know it's not fancy but I had this whole romantic date night planned out and well,". He held his hand out to catch the water droplets. 

Cas stood up on his toes and put his hand on Dean's wet cheek, pulling him down for a kiss. Dean kissed him back as soon as their lips touched. Cas pulled away just enough to look into Dean's eyes. 

"I love it.". 

"Good cause I think this is all we're gettin tonight.", Dean smiled as they walked into the pizzeria. Dean ordered a large pizza for the both of them with a variety of meats and vegetables on it. 

When he finished, Dean tucked the pizza box under his shirt and they started to sprint back to the apartment but never let go of each other. 

When they got back, they removed their wet jackets and shoes and put them over a floor vent to dry. Dean dimmed the lights in the apartment and started playing a record on the turntable. It was exactly either of their kind of music but it set the mood that he was aiming for. 

Cas sat down on the couch with the pizza box on the coffee table as he watched Dean fix everything to his liking. 

"Dean, come on.", he begged impatiently as he scooted over the one side of the love seat to make room for Dean. 

"Hold on. I'm almost done.", Dean said. He reached under a cabinet in the small corner that served as the apartment's kitchenette. He pulled a box of matches out and two red candles that appeared to have never been used before. Dean walked over to the living space and set them down on the wooden table and lit them. 

Cas couldn't help but smile as he watched Dean try to give him a semi-perfect date. 

Dean walked around the table and sunk into the couch. "Wait,", he said as he pushed himself to grab two beers from the mini fridge in the kitchenette. Cas sighed. 

When he finally sat down, Dean popped open the beer bottles and handed one to Castiel. "Beer and pizza?",Cas asked while smiling at Dean. 

"Beer and pizza!", Dean said, winking at Cas and raised his drink between them. 

Cas waited. 

"You're supposed to hold up your beer too you know.".

"Oh, okay.", Cas smiled and raised his bottle. 

"Happy first date.", Dean said as he clinked his beer against Cas's, making some of it slosh out of the glass. "Happy first date.", Cas blushed.

Thunder rumbled outside and flashes of lightning reached through the window curtains. 

Dean exhaled heavily. 

"Is something wrong?", Cas asked after he took a sip of his beer. 

"It's just, I wanted to give you something better than this.", Dean said as he looked down at the pizza. 

"What do you mean?", Cas objected and smiled. 

"I was gonna take you a nice restaurant, then maybe go to the park or something."

"Don't. This is perfect.", Cas leaned in and pecked Dean on the lips which made him feel a little bit better. He really did want to do more for Cas. He didn't exactly know when his time was up so it became even more important to him that Cas was happy. 

They continued to have their first date. The privacy of it made up for everything else that was missing. Dean had 3 beers but Cas could only have half of one without getting completely tipsy. By the end of the night, they had finished off the whole pizza and then some. 

Things felt normal. There wasn't anything bad going on, it was just them. They were alone and happy and drinking beer with pizza. Everything felt... Right.


End file.
